An Introduction to My Faith
When I was 14, my grandpa was hit and killed by a man who ran a stop sign. I know a lot of people lose their grandparents, but this man was the glue that held our family together.
Without him, things began to unravel a bit. I’m not naive enough to believe my family was perfect before he passed, but I do believe he was the shield that deflected all of the bad things and allowed me to be a kid for a little bit longer.
The entire family was shaken by his sudden exit. He was the kind of man that, once you met him, you never forgot him. I won’t even begin to try listing all of the countless lives he impacted with his goodness... all I know is that at his funeral, cars were backed up so bad trying to get in that some people weren’t even able to make it in to say goodbye.
This isn’t a story about my grandpa, though.
This is a story about the most important moment of my life.
A few weeks after he passed, I was in my parent’s room crying and alone. I remember laying on the bed and feeling so distraught. I would start high school in just a few short weeks, and I didn’t know how anything would ever be OK again. I remember saying, “I need him. What am I going to do without him?” I had no idea who I was talking to, alone in that room.
All I know, is that someone was listening.
Suddenly, it was as if this weight was just lifted off of me. I felt warm and comforted, as if a loved one had covered me with a warm, soft blanket. I can’t even find the right words to properly convey what this felt like but know that it was a distinct and physical feeling.
Something I couldn’t actually see manifested in that room with me. I was confused at first, but then I just kind of let myself sink down into the comfort and warmth. I closed my eyes. I remember SMILING. The identity of my comforter suddenly became clear.
I realized that God was right there, in the room with me.
I knew that everything was going to be OK.
That was the first and only time I’ve ever experienced something like this, but after all of these years, I can’t help but get goosebumps when I think about it.
Some believers have never had an experience like this, and some have had many. A supernatural experience is not required to have Faith. However, this planted a seed in my heart. One that took root and allowed me to build my Faith on a strong foundation. It was the first stone on a path that I’d continue down for the rest of my life. I’d spent countless days/hours/weeks/years turning over those stones, looking underneath. I was searching for answers and for that connection once again.
I’d find it in little bits here or there.
*The internal nagging that there was something more.
*Sitting in that church in Albuquerque for the first time and feeling like the pastor was literally talking right to me. Every word that fell from his lips was like the Lord reaching down into my heart with a pen and checking off the list of questions I’d been struggling with.
*Fighting my anxiety to raise my hands in worship for the first time and feeling the Spirit rejoice with me in my freedom.
*Feeling him there with me as I struggled after losing three of my babies to miscarriage.
I know to anyone who doesn’t believe, this all sounds a bit insane.
I’m OK with that.
I will share my Faith with anyone who will listen, but I will not chase you down the street throwing Bibles at you (although the image of this is pretty hysterical, when you think about it.)
I am an anxious introvert.
My “call to action” is still, peaceful, and soft, like a cool breeze on a humid Missouri day.
My call to action is Grace, in the small moments, and the big ones... for myself, and for others.
Jesus whispers into my soul some days, compelling me to act or to speak out.
There are some things that I can’t remain quiet on.
Things that I hold dear to my heart, that I know He put there.
I do my best to let Him lead me and navigate through those situations, although often, He’s just telling me to love and serve my children and my family.
I am not called to fight every battle.
I am not called to have an opinion on everything, nor am I called to share those opinions with the world.
I am not called to have an answer for everything, or everyone.
In loving Jesus and my family with my whole heart,
In allowing Him to lead me in my decisions and actions,
and in not being afraid to be who I am...
I will change the world...
one still, small-whisper at a time.