• InnieMom

None of It is Easy


Can you tell me why mom shame is a thing?


It’s not like we don’t beat ourselves up enough, then we get on social media and are bombarded by OTHER WOMEN telling us that we should do things this way, or that way.


Other women, who are supposed to be our sisters, making sarcastic comments about the way we’re raising our children.


It comes in all forms, from ALL TYPES of women. Those who stay at home, those who work…and some who DON’T EVEN HAVE KIDS TO BEGIN WITH!!!!!


“We CHOSE to make sacrifices so I could stay at home with little Timmy. They are the most important thing. I can’t imagine a woman allowing someone else to raise her children.”

Or…


“Back in my day, women stayed home to raise their own babies.”


Then there’s, “You stay at home with the kids?! I’d give ANYTHING to be at home in my PJ’s all day. Being a working mom is SO HARD!”


Or the, "You stay at home? What do you do all day?! Must be nice!"

*Insert overly exaggerated eye-roll here*


Ladies, I can tell you as someone who’s been on BOTH sides of the coin---


NONE of it is easy.


Let me break it down for you:


*Being a SAHM*


- Your job never stops. You never get a breather. You have little ones clinging to you from sun up to sun down. You desperately miss adult conversations.


- You worry about socialization- doing enough activities, making sure they reach their “milestones” and that you’re working with them enough on Kinder-prep.


- In groups of people, when the “what do you do” question is asked- a small part of you feels inferior… even though you KNOW the sacrifice your job requires.


- You look at yourself often and feel as if you’ve disappeared. This isn’t what you imagined it would be like. You pictured yourself up early, with a clean house, and homemade meals. Kids helping with chores and doing fun learning activities and feeling like mother of the year. Instead it’s collecting piles of old, smelly sippy cups, thrown together meals, endless amounts of laundry, and the yelling… so much yelling. More than you ever intended. Days seem to sometimes melt together.


- Looking in the mirror and not even remembering the last time you had a shower longer than a 5-minute washdown and some dry shampoo.


- Feeling like you sometimes have nothing left for your partner at the end of the day.


- And finally, the guilt. The guilt that it’s never enough. The guilt over not being in the moment enough. The guilt over losing your cool too often. The guilt over too much screen time. The guilt from constantly comparing yourself to the “Pinterest Mommies.” The guilt of sometimes feeling like you don’t even deserve your precious kids. So. Much. Guilt.


*Being a Working Mom*


- Worrying, is the daycare/pre-school good enough? Is it SAFE enough?


- You worry about socialization- are they learning bad habits? Are they doing enough activities with them? Are they reaching their “milestones” in comparison to the other kids?


- You constantly feel like you’re not spending enough time with them.


- You worry about the constant illnesses that seem to come in one form or another because of all the germs at school.


- You feel like you never have the time to get your work done because you’re constantly juggling sick kids and having to stay home from work. Trying to balance the workload with family time is SO difficult.


- You ask yourself constantly if you’ve made the right decision. Knowing your family needs you to help provide for them, but constantly feeling like your kids aren’t getting your best.


- Feeling like you sometimes have nothing left for your partner at the end of the day.


- And finally, the guilt. The guilt that it’s never enough. The guilt over not being in the moment enough. The guilt over losing your cool too often. The guilt over not being there enough. The guilt from constantly comparing yourself to the “Pinterest Mommies.” The guilt of sometimes feeling like you don’t even deserve your precious kids. So. Much. Guilt.

You see, mom guilt doesn't discriminate.

It doesn't care if you stay at home and devote every waking second to your kids.

It doesn't care that you put in over-time, and spend every day trying to provide for your family.


There’s never a perfect decision. There’s never a decision that won’t leave you second guessing yourself in some small way. ALL OF US have the questions and feel the guilt and the ache of uncertainty- no matter what we choose/or is necessary.

That’s because it’s who we are.

We were made to pick everything apart and to consider every angle for the greater good of our families.


I will always be anxious over the big picture, while agonizing over the details.


That's what GOOD moms do-- in all of our different forms.


And as moms, we carry the majority of the emotional burden for our families.

Friends, there is no one size fits all for families. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE has their struggles… no matter how perfect they may seem on social media.


The only “right” answer is to do the best you can with what you know.


Learn.

Grow.

PRAY.

And SUPPORT one another.


Call out mom-shaming when you see it.

Lift one another up.

Be a safety net for the uncertain mom questioning her next steps.

Cheer her on.


Do not listen to the whispers of the enemy telling you you’re not enough.

Do not listen to what the Facebook sancti-mommies say is "best".

Do not fall into the trap of comparison.


There is only ONE voice that matters, and He’s whispering your purpose and your destiny straight into your heart.


Breathe.

And listen.

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