Making Mom Friends
My son hops out of the car and takes my hand as we walk over to the vibrant jungle of play equipment. He pulls from my grasp and ascends the ladder to the slide as I search for a spot in the shade to observe from.
There are a few other moms here with their kids. I notice my son and another little boy gleefully laughing as they chase one another. I see another mom observing, sitting across from me on the opposite side of the park. She must be the other boys mom. She’s wearing a bright yellow sundress and her dark hair is cut short and perfectly smooth on her head.
I’m suddenly painfully aware of the bleach stained leggings and over-sized “Mom Life” shirt adorning my unshowered body.
My hair is in a messy bun.
No, not one of those cute, over-sized, perfectly messy ballerina buns that you imagine when you read the words “messy bun” but more like a coiled, half falling down, dog turd on my head type of messy bun.
Actually messy...and not on purpose.
We make eye contact and she smiles. I smile back but glance away nervously. Part of me wants to start a conversation with this beautiful woman, obviously on top of her mom game. The introverted part of me. The part that also struggles with anxiety, shuts me down with all of the reasons I shouldn’t.
· You look like a crazy mess.
· You’re going to say something weird and embarrass yourself.
· You are not prepared for follow up conversation.
· What if she DOES like you and wants to schedule some sort of play-date? *gasp*
Making mom friends is difficult, y’all.
Not only do you have to try to get to know one another and find commonalities while wrangling kids who are all over the place, but you also have to hope your kids actually like one another and play well together.
Then, even if you DO happen to find someone that you make a connection with, finding the time and energy to actually get together is something else entirely.
If they come to your house for a play-date, you have to clean, and buy snacks, and put on a bra.
If you go to theirs you have to worry about your feral kid breaking something or making a mess... and then too, you should probably put on a bra.
(Can we start a bra-less mommy group? Can that be a thing? That’s definitely not weird, or anything.) 😳
Here’s what I'm looking for:
· I need mom friends who will text instead of call, and who won’t get upset if it takes me a few days to get back with them because:
a) I forgot.
b) I’m overwhelmed.
· I need mom friends who don’t mind if my house is a mess when they come over, because theirs is too. (I know a lot of people say this... but like... who REALLY don’t mind. I have a 170 lb English mastiff. Think drool.)
.Who will come over next August to watch Netflix with a bottle of wine because my 4 year old will be starting Kindergarten.
· The kind of moms who wake up, throw their hair up in a dog turd style bun, put on some yoga pants, and grumble sleepily at their husbands as they make a pot of coffee and throw some frozen waffles down in front of their ravenous kids.
· I need mom friends who will sit and nod in solidarity as I’m flooded with mom guilt, sobbing, over the last time I got angry at my 4 year old.
· I need mom friends who don’t judge. Who don’t care if I formula or breast feed. Who don’t roll their eyes when I tell them my 4 year old still sneaks into bed with my husband and I sometimes. Who don’t compare their kids accomplishments or milestones with mine. Who just want support and to give support in return.
. Who will listen to me as I'm hiding in my pantry, eating 7 day old birthday cake, and crying into the phone because my baby just turned 1 and "they're growing up so fast!"
· I need mom friends who understand that I’m an introvert with anxiety. Who don’t get upset if I have to miss a birthday party or big event. Who won’t be angry if I cancel a play date for the 3rd time. Who’ll just say, “No worries! Let me know if you want to reschedule,” and leave it at that because they know that sometimes I just can’t. Who invite me to remind me that I matter to them, but who don’t feel hurt if I don’t come.
· I need mom friends who will pray with me.
· Who will pray FOR me. For my marriage, for my parenting and my kids, and for my relationship with Jesus
· Mostly, I need mom friends who can LAUGH at themselves and at this crazy, busy, messy, beautiful life.
To recap: Emotional, introverted mom with anxiety, who second guesses herself constantly, is a lousy homemaker, can’t cook, will probably cancel on you a lot, and looks homeless most of the time...
Seeking: Equally emotional and introverted mom, who also can't cook, has no idea how to make a messy bun look cute, and hates bras. Anxiety not required, but a definite plus.
Any takers? I know, I know...it’s difficult to resist. 😉
What do you think, mamas? Is there some sort of secret book on making mom friends that I’m unaware of? Is it really as difficult as I think it is?